What Is Your Best?

A few years ago, I remember arguing with a friend about whether ketchup needed to be refrigerated after the bottle is opened. He asserted that it does, I argued that it does not. My basis for this was that ketchup sits around on restaurant tables all the time without being refrigerated, it tastes fine, and I have never gotten sick from unrefrigerated ketchup. I also told him there is nothing on the bottle that says it should be refrigerated after opening, but my friend disagreed.

Anxious to prove him wrong, I searched my kitchen cabinets for a bottle of ketchup and found none. I ran down to the basement and finally found a large unopened bottle of ketchup from Costco. It had been stowed in a deep storage cabinet for future summer cook-outs. Rushing back upstairs I shoved the bottle at my friend, confident that he would find nothing on it that says it needed to be refrigerated.

He scoured the bottle and after few minutes, began to read, “Best if kept refrigerated after opening.” I was floored. Desperate to save face, I advised that this meant that it didn’t need to be refrigerated, it was only ‘best if refrigerated.’ More like a suggestion…right? His only comment was “Why wouldn’t you do the best thing?” -To that, I didn’t have an answer, but it was a question I was all too familiar with.

What is best?

Being our best is subjective.  By that I mean we subject ourselves to what we think is best based on our perceived capabilities and the information we have at the time. When we don’t value ourselves sufficiently, we can get skewed ideas of what our best is.

I used to think being my best was being thin and eating salad every day.  When I didn’t live up to my idea of this ‘best’, I felt guilty and chastised myself to the point of self-hatred.  For years, I vacillated between being too thin and donning extra weight. I put my health in danger to be my ‘best’ as I thought it should be.

There were times I used to look in the mirror and ask -Why am I doing this to myself?  I felt out of control with disordered eating.  I knew I needed to make a change but kept waiting for a ‘sign’ or something to happen outside of me that would make that change take place.  All the time telling myself what a loser I was for not being my best.

Of course, it wasn’t the eating behavior or the size of my body that was not my best. It was the way I thought about and spoke to myself.  Berating myself for overeating and for being overweight only served to lock my psyche into that behavior. After all, why would I want to help myself if I was such a pathetic loser?  With this attitude, I perpetuated the behavior and guaranteed that I would never really be my best.

It took a few years to figure out that being my best wasn’t about weight loss or eating.  It was more about how I valued myself.  As long as I felt guilty for eating and berated myself, it was a battle to change the eating behavior.  But when I stopped the guilt and self-criticism and learned to appreciate who I was, my eating behavior began to normalize.

To me, this seemed miraculous.  Appreciating and loving myself despite what I looked like or how I ate was the “sign” I had been searching for to bring about the change I needed to make. And I don’t ask myself why I don’t do my best anymore.  My life is not always pretty and perfect, but I know it’s usually my best and I’m okay with that.

Begin Your journey-Binge Free Start Here

 

Accept and love yourself no matter what, and you will do your best.

Inked105_0413_LI1

Self Control -It May Not Be What You Think

When I was in sixth grade I had to write an essay on self-control.  I remember turning in a paper that was messy and incomplete and having the teacher say, in front of the class, that I obviously didn’t have any self-control because I couldn’t get my work done properly.  My first guilt trip!

Usually my work was very good, but this week my dad was in the hospital and my mom was struggling.  Despite what was going on in my life at home, I took to heart the response from the teacher and allowed that to define me.  For many years I felt like the one who had missed the lesson in self-control.  I wasn’t even sure what it was, but I knew self-control was hard and something I lacked.

The truth is, I probably had more self-control than most of the kids in my class.  My dad was in and out of rehab many times that year.  My mom was trying to hold down two jobs to keep us from losing our home.  I had to get up, get dressed, feed myself, take care of my dog, and get to school on my own.  One day, I missed the bus and called a neighbor to drive me to school.

But I never saw what I did as being the right thing or the good thing or using self-control.  It was just my life.  Through my eyes, I was different than my friends and my perception that I did not have self-control eventually morphed into self-contempt.

Fast forward 25 years and I still had that sixth-grade mentality.  Thinking I knew what self-control was, I blamed myself for not having any, especially around food.  I could control my food for about a week if the stars were aligned and everything went my way. But one tiny stressor would fling me from that salad into the arms of a waiting chocolate cake.  To keep myself from gaining dreaded weight, I jogged or swam.  When I couldn’t do those things, I became bulimic.

I chastised myself for not having enough willpower or control.  But while punishing myself for that, I was raising three children as a single mom, working 60 hours a week as a business professional and trying to date. Talk about willpower!

I had enough willpower to knock down buildings, and enough self-control to challenge a Buddhist monk.  What I didn’t have was confidence.  The self-loathing of my body and the guilt about eating overshadowed all my accomplishments.  Instead of seeing my self-control, all I saw was self-disgust.

To break out of this mindset meant a change in my perception.  I had to dare myself to love me regardless of how I ate or what my body looked like, stopping all self-criticism until I could learn how to be constructive.  I had to perceive myself as already having everything I needed to be the best person I could be.

It took several more years of struggling with BED before I let all this sink in and stopped trying to control everything I ate.  This doesn’t mean I now eat unconsciously, it means I allow my body to tell me what it wants, and if it happens to want a piece of cake, I allow myself to enjoy it with no guilt, no counting calories or fat grams, no thinking about restricting my next meal or my portion sizes, just pure acceptance and enjoyment of what I am eating at the moment.  The amazing thing is, I very seldom want chocolate cake anymore.  Its not always perfect, but the cravings, struggle and body bashing are gone.

For me, self-control isn’t about forcing myself to eat the right foods and exercise more.  It’s not about making myself feel guilty for eating too much or the wrong foods.  It’s about letting go of the thoughts that say “I have to be like someone else,” or “I am not enough.”  Its about trusting that I have what it takes to love and nourish myself regardless of what anyone else says.

Read More –Binge Free: The Beginning     Take Action – Binge Free: First Steps

 

                                                  I am enough.

IMG_6922

 

Power Of Habit or Bad Hair Day?

For the past two weeks I have been fretting over my hair.  It has lost its luster, gets frizzy for no reason and just doesn’t feel the same.  I have wracked my brain trying to figure out what’s causing it.  Am I just getting old?  Is my body chemistry changing?  Am I eating something bad for me?  Am I in the sun too much or not enough?

Deciding to put all these questions aside and take a nice shower, I step into the tub and grab the shampoo which sits on a shelf to the right.  Wait…uh….. this is not shampoo… this is body wash.  For the last two weeks, out of habit, I have reached to the right to pump out a handful of shampoo, but have been slathering body soap on my hair instead!

I see now the body wash and the shampoo have been switched.  How did they get switched?  And more importantly, why didn’t I notice this?

As far a habits go, this is not a big deal.  I can choose to change my routine and reach to the left for the shampoo or put the bottles back in their places.  Seems easy enough.  But what if I had never noticed this and just went around worrying about my hair and how bad it looked?  I could have driven myself crazy trying to find the reason behind my bad hair days.  I could have spent weeks or months worrying and trying to change things that either made no difference or made things worse.  Seems kind of stupid doesn’t it?

Yet, this is exactly what I did when I was trying to ‘fight’ an eating disorder.  I turned what was a habit into a complicated mess of body shaming, food restriction, and bingeing.  I saw myself as a defective person who couldn’t control herself.   I agonized so much that the disorder became my comfort.

Yes, it was comfortable.  Even though it was a devastating and sometimes life threatening habit, it made me comfortable to do the things I did.  Of course, I did not like the aftermath.  It was like using the body wash on my hair but hating the results.  And how ridiculous it seems to keep washing my hair with body wash and then complain about it.  But that’s what I did with the eating and body shaming year after year.  I kept doing the same thing and hating the results.  I kept looking for complicated answers instead of looking right in front of me.

How I changed

When I decided to de-complicate the binging problem, I had to realize that the disordered eating and body bashing were habits.  They did an excellent job of keeping me functioning and getting me through stress.  Of course they caused a lot of stress too -this is what perpetuated them.

Once I realized that my disordered behaviors were not a part of my personality, but something I did in response to my environment, I let go of the guilt.  I made a choice to believe that there is no ‘good or bad’ involved in eating or being any certain weight or body size.  I began to believe deep down that I was a good person, regardless of what I ate or how I looked.  I re-established my rightful place in the universe. (For me, this meant seeing God not as an entity judging me and keeping score, but as a support and encourager in all I do.)

Then I stopped dividing food into good and bad categories.  I allowed myself to eat all foods with no guilt or shame or feelings of eating something ‘sinfully delicious.’  All food became okay to eat for its own time and purpose.  I also began looking at my body differently.  Instead of labeling it as bad because it held extra fat or wasn’t as muscular as I it wanted to be, I started to appreciate it for the good things it did.

Eventually, I could look at myself in the mirror and not fret over the thighs or wiggly belly.  My body stopped being my focus.  It is now neither good nor bad.  It is just one element of my complete being.  It doesn’t define my status, my feelings, my health, or my personality, it doesn’t make me more or less valuable than anyone else.

And even though others may use my body to make judgments about who I am, I can leave that with them and not worry about it.

I believe we create habits out of necessity.  They allow us to perform activities while our mind is occupied with something else.  Sometimes they end up being good for us and sometimes not.  Making and breaking habits can be difficult, but it doesn’t have to be.

Letting go of guilt and self condemnation was the giant first step in changing my life.  If I can do this, you can too.

P.S. The shampoo and body soap got misplaced by my husband when he cleaned the tub and shower.  (Yes, he occasionally cleans the bathroom, but no, he is not available for hire!)

For more steps on starting the binge free journey click here.

For more technical advice on habit and behavior change, read James Clear’s The Paradox of Behavior Change.   Check some of his other articles on habits.

 

“If you judge me for what I look like, that’s on you, not me.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What ‘Feeling Fat’ Means To Me

When I was 14 years old, I babysat for the family who lived across the street. They had two children; a toddler and a baby of seven months. The mom, Kari, was not happy with the extra weight she gained from having the baby. She constantly dieted and exercised. She and my mother often traded diet tips and weight loss stories while drinking black coffee at our kitchen table.
One time, a few days into one of her restrictive diets, Kari came over to our house and sat down. She stretched out her legs, pointed her feet like a ballerina and said, “I feel so thin today. I know I’m not thin, but I feel thin.”
Thinness, to Kari, (to all of us back then) equated with being better, happier, and more attractive. That day, I got the message seared into my brain that feeling thin was proof you had willpower and you stuck to your diet. Fatness and feeling fat was bad, even if it was proof you just had a baby.

From then on, I tried my hardest to follow a diet. I wanted that elusive ‘thin’ feeling. I thought it was the only feeling that would relieve the terrifying ‘fat’ feeling that was beginning to invade my consciousness. So, instead of trying to help myself feel happy or content or peaceful or loving, I chose to work on feeling thin to combat feeling fat.

The things that made me feel thin were -following a low-calorie diet for a few days, jogging every day, or fasting. All these things led to losing a few pounds and I felt thin for a short time. Looking back now, I don’t know how I got through college or managed to have friends. Everything in my life was less important than losing weight.

Throughout my life, I have painstakingly weighed and measured my food, counting every carb, calorie and fat gram. And I did manage, a few times, to get to a weight I was happy with…more truthfully, I got to a weight that I thought would make me happy.

The problem was, in trying to mold my body for the approval of others, I succeeded in learning how to hate my body imperfections. When you are thin, you still think about your thighs, your stomach, the skin under your arms and a hundred other perceived flaws.

So, even though I became petite, my self-esteem was artificial. I felt thin when I was actively losing weight, but felt fat if I ate too much. And inside, I had hole in the core of my being even bigger than before I lost the weight. My self-esteem was linked to the number on the scale, same as always.

Being thin did not guarantee people were going to like me and it did not give me a foundation to handle stress. In fact, it triggered more stress because I felt a more urgent need to stay slim; to not disappoint myself and others. This attitude gave birth to a full fledged eating disorder and years of unhealthy habits (which were even worse than my mom’s fad diets.)

How does this all relate to ‘feeling fat?

In the first ED program I attended, I was encouraged to express my feelings in a group therapy session after lunch each day. If I, or anyone in the group said they felt fat, we were told to find another word because ‘fat’ was not a feeling. This never helped me come to terms with the feeling of being fat, it just kept me trying to escape it. I kept  thinking I was wrong about my feelings. I felt invalidated. And even though I looked for other words on a printed out list of feelings, none of them expressed how I felt.

I agree that we need to stop equating thinness with happiness, and fatness with negativity. I spend a significant amount of my time reading and writing about this. I am on that bandwagon. But emotions and feelings are very complex subjects, and trying to explain that fat is not a feeling just complicates things even more. Only by embracing my experience of feeling fat could I learn to recognize other emotions and get some meaning back into my life.

We view feeling fat as a negative event because of our beliefs. Initially, we get our beliefs from how we are raised, what we learn from society, and the experiences we have in our lives. If we dismiss feeling fat as an erroneous emotion, we can never come to terms with it. It will forever have a negative connotation.  By not allowing ourselves to examine the feeling, it becomes this ominous thing we are afraid of.

If we are going to change the perception about fat and feeling fat, we have to face it head on; we have to study and re-define it.

Feelings and emotions serve us for survival, not to cause unnecessary suffering.  So, by allowing myself to explore my ‘fat’ feeling I can determine the cause. How I interpret that feeling is really what counts. If I keep trying to vanquish it, I will never get to what my body is really trying to tell me.

For me, feeling fat is an expression of a mild physical discomfort, it’s not a debilitating pain, its not a negative thought,  and it does not change my value as a person. It could be that I ate too much, or I feel bloated from a certain food, or my clothing is uncomfortable. Fat is the word I use to express these feelings. ‘Uncomfortable’ may be a more acceptable word, but fat fits my feeling more precisely.

Its not unlike having an itch or feeling sleepy or any other feeling you can name that requires you to attend to something about your body.  Once the itch is scratched or you take a nap, you can go on with your life.

The problem most of us have is that when we feel fat, we think it means we should lose weight.  We think it is a negative thing that cannot be alleviated by anything other than exercise, dieting and weight loss.  But if we study it carefully, we can make ourselves more comfortable in our own skin by making a few adjustments.

Sometimes these are physical adjustments like loosening our clothes or drinking water instead of soda. Sometimes they are mental adjustments, like remembering that feeling fat is not a negative event.  And like most other issues, when we acknowledge it and open ourselves up to it, we will have a clearer mind. With a clearer mind, we then have a choice to either accept it for what it is -a mild discomfort, or take reasonable measures to resolve it.

For more on trusting your body – Your Body Is Brilliant

For more on body image issues – Can I be Weightless?

 

“The breakthrough will come when we can embrace and examine feeling fat instead of trying to conquer it or run from it.”IMG_0048

 

Broken and Blessed

 Several weeks ago, I broke my ankle. In the past, I would have had a giant pity party and lamented the pain and inconvenience to everyone around me. And even though it has put me a little behind in my writing, it hasn’t dimmed my enthusiasm or caused me much distress.

I am writing about it now for two reasons. The first is, I wanted to use this real-life situation to share how negative events can give birth to positive things – that is, if you look for them. The second is, it put a tiny glitch in my binge free life that I had to figure out how to deal with.

Positives From Negatives

I broke my ankle playing tennis. I know, it’s not a contact sport, right? But I couldn’t help going for an overhead that was way out of my reach. As soon as it happened, all play stopped on three courts and everyone rallied around me. They got me to the ER and stayed until my family arrived. After a few days, and when the swelling went down, the orthopedic doc cast it all the way up to the knee.  People sent cards and called to check on me. One friend even sent me a bedside bell. It sounded just like the bells on Downton Abbey except that when I rang it, no one came to my see what I wanted, I just heard peals of laughter coming from the other room.

Since our vacation was set for the following week, my husband rented me a scooter. With one knee propped up and my good leg pushing me forward, I felt like a kid at play. It was an enjoyable conversation starter too. People commented that I needed to have it motorized. I talked to more strangers and made more friends on vacation than I ever would have in the past.

While packing for vacation, I discovered that I could pack four different shoes instead of two pair. I’m not a clothes horse, but I like shoes, so I thought this was a good thing. And since I could not drive, I enjoyed the scenery while my hubby drove from our home in Georgia to the Florida coast.

I also found myself on my knees a good bit. I had to crawl in my bedroom and up and down the stairs. Being on my knees reminded me that I don’t pray as much as I could. It helped me to get back into the habit of praying, whether on my knees or not.

The Glitch

About two weeks after my ankle broke, I noticed my pants were feeling a little tight. I had gone from being active every day of the week to being non-active. At first this caused concern. The old thoughts started taking over.

“I can’t stand this.”
“I have to control my eating so I won’t gain weight.”
“What if I gain so much weight I won’t be able to fit into my clothes?”
“What if I get so bored, I can’t stop eating?”

I spent a couple days trying to work out what to do about these thoughts. And during that time, I noticed my anxiety level was high, my eating was erratic, and my pants were getting tighter. I finally remembered that my body is an amazing biological machine and it did not need me to tell it what to do. It knows how to heal my ankle and it knows how much sustenance I need to make that happen. I had to get back to trusting it.

So, I did what I have trained myself to do from the beginning of this journey. That is, I acknowledged the existence of the anxious thoughts without judging them as good or bad. This means accepting them as being a normal part of my (or anyone’s) journey. This quelled the thoughts and opened my mind up to a better understanding of my situation, which is -I don’t have to restrict my food.

My body will tell me what I need to eat to heal. And if I listen, it will also tell me when it’s time to increase my activity to strengthen my muscles.  If I gain weight during this time, it’s not a bad thing. I can still trust my body without expecting it to be any certain size. This attitude allows my body to function at an optimal level.

If I had not already been on the binge free path, this broken ankle may have put a major dent in my life and caused me much angst. But I thank God every day for my blessings, despite the broken ankle and other trials. It is true for me that mindset, and not circumstances, determine my happiness. This experience has cemented my belief that when I look for the positive, even in the negative, I will find it.

For more on beginning a binge free life start here.

me4

 

 

 

Time For A Thought Check

Do you sabotage yourself for no good reason?  Have you ever said, “Why do I do this to myself?” And then do the same destructive things over and over?  If so, you may have a belief or a script running in your mind that you are not even aware of.  Or you could be aware of it, but not know how to change it.  You may not even know that it is possible to change.

For many years I had scripts running in my head that I never actually verbalized, but I let them color my thoughts and emotions.  I can speak them now because I had to examine them before I could stop believing them.  They went something like this, “I am adopted, my mom gave me up, there must be something wrong with me.” Or “My adoptive dad is an alcoholic, my adoptive mom is verbally abusive, there must be something wrong with me.”  And of course, “I am fat, and I want to eat all the time, there must be something wrong with me.”

I had many more. But they were all used for the same purpose; to allow me to feel sorry for myself and to get others to feel sorry for me. This was the only way I knew to get the attention I needed and wanted.

For years, I was unaware these scripts ruled my thoughts and behaviors, they were so ingrained.  And even though someone told me about them and that I needed to change them, I didn’t get the message until I read the book ‘Feeling Good’ by Dr. David Burns. That was in the early 90’s.  It was my first taste of cognitive therapy and the beginning of the life I wanted to live.

Cognitive therapy was not a complete cure for all my problems, but it started me on the path of taking responsibility for my feelings. I learned that I created my own suffering with my thoughts.  It took many years to delete all the scripts.  But this was only because I had the idea that the process of psychological change was difficult, time consuming and painful.  And even though I went to therapists and programs, I didn’t do the homework.

When I finally made the commitment to become emotionally and physically healthy, it was not nearly as hard as I thought it would be.  I realized I was worth making changes and it became natural to want to change for the better.  I got the courage to question my core beliefs and tell myself the truth about who I was.  And the truth is this -I am a good and worthy person and my value has nothing to do with what anyone thinks about me, what has happened in my past or even how I behave right now.

Knowing this truth allowed me to begin to make a few good decisions.  Making good decisions boosted my esteem and helped me make even better decisions.  This helped me rise up even more.  It’s like getting into an upward spiral.  The more you do the right thing, the more confident you get about who you are, and the more good things you do for yourself.  Then you start to reach out to help others and you almost forget what it feels like to be fearful, weak and full of self-pity.

There is always more than one way to accomplish what you want, but the best way is your way.  Read, listen and learn from others, but sift through all the information and find what works best for you.  You are worth it.

Suggested reading Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns (look for the latest edition) or Summary of Feeling Good by Fastreads

For list of cognitive distortions and ways to untwist your thinking, click here.

For a list of self defeating thoughts and counter thoughts, click here.

 

“We can put ourselves in an upward spiral with one belief. That belief is -Our value is inherent.  It does not depend on our size, shape, color, talent, intelligence, financial or emotional status or past experience.”

palms and ocean

It May Look Confusing…Just Keep Going

Throughout my binge free journey I have attended therapy and clinics, listened to motivational speakers and read many blogs and books.  I did read a couple of books twice, only because the first time through it didn’t click, and something drew me back for a re-read.  One of these books is called ‘Intuitive Eating’ by dieticians Evelyn Tribole M.S. R.D. and Elyse Resch M.S. R.D. F.A.D.A.  The book describes, in detail, how to learn to eat without dieting and it addresses the phases people go through, based on clients they have treated.

I was attending an out patient eating disorder program when my therapist suggested this book.  Three days a week, I drove to the clinic with the Intuitive Eating book and my food diary in tow.  In the food diary, I kept track of all the food I consumed, and once a week a dietician would examine my diary and make recommendations.

I learned a lot from the program and came out with a better attitude and more appreciation for my body.  But the eating puzzle still didn’t fit together.  If I could eat intuitively, like the book said, why did I have to measure and keep track of my food in the program?  And then there was the paragraph in the book, on page 90- “Beware of the I-Can-Eat-Whatever-I-Want, As-Much-As-I-Want, Whenever-I-Feel-Like-It-Trap,” which basically stated that you should eat unconditionally, but “eating whenever you feel like it, without regard to hunger and fullness, might not be a very satisfying experience and might cause physical discomfort.  Attunement with your body’s satiety cues is an important part of this process.”

Okay, now, I was really confused. There was a condition to ‘unconditionally.’  It just didn’t add up.  I was expected to learn to eat what I want, but it cannot be what I really want, it must be the best thing for my body and it must be enough to satisfy my body, but it can’t be too much or too little.  And it has to be when I am hungry, and I have to stop when I am satisfied. OMG!

I graduated from the program, ditched the book and looked for a food plan I could live with.  I checked out the overeaters anonymous food plans, the paleo diet and whole 30 plans.  I tried them all.  I kept journaling my food.  I played tennis more and rode my bike and joined a gym.  The bingeing lessened, but I struggled with it and still didn’t know what satisfaction with a meal felt like.

I need to skip some of the story here, which I will write about later, but let’s just say, two years elapsed and some things happened, and I finally made the decision to forget about the food plans, the diary and the scale.  I stopped exercising just to burn calories and began playing tennis and riding the bike for fun.  I cancelled the gym membership.  I began to do the one thing I have been wanting to do for years… that is –eat without guilt.

Despite the warning in the book, I decided to eat anything I wanted, any where I wanted, anytime I wanted, with no guilt.  Read that again, with no guilt.  That means I ate with no thoughts of dieting in the future to make up for it, with no thought of having to exercise to ward off the calories, no thought of eating less or ‘better’ tomorrow.  I stopped reading food labels.  I didn’t eat out of entitlement, and I didn’t give up on myself, I just ate what I wanted and what tasted good.  I knew this was the only way I would come to terms with myself.  So, I went all in.

For the first few months, I occasionally overate.  But it was only in guiltless overeating that I learned how to eat normally.  I did gain a few pounds during that time, and almost went back to dieting for this reason.  But I stuck it out, and within a few more months, I was eating and feeling satisfied and not overeating.  Bingeing seemed like a foreign language, I didn’t even understand the hold it once had over me.  And the book, which I read two years earlier made a lot more sense.  When I re-read it, I saw myself and understood it.  If it hadn’t been for that one warning paragraph, I may have tried this sooner.

The point is, when I try to control what, when, where or how much I should eat, my body sees this as a warning that there is something wrong with the food source.  So, it goes into craving mode to ensure I eat more food to thwart the coming restriction or whatever is wrong with the food source.  And when I become desperate to not overeat, my body fights harder to get more food now.  Suddenly, I want to eat anything that looks scrumptious.  And the only things that appear scrumptious are sweets and high fat foods which, as my smart body knows, are calorie dense.  And calories are what it is looking for to continue to function while the food source problem gets straightened out.

Of course, there was no problem with the food source.  The problem was me, giving my body a false signal.  As smart as my body is, it can not interpret my restriction of food as a good thing.  Why?  Because I wasn’t eating to nourish my body, my desire was to eat less to lose weight to be a better person, to feel like I fit in.  I did not honor my body, how could I expect it to honor me?

We must work with our body and not against it.  And the best way, I have found, is to allow myself to eat with no guilt or thoughts of restriction.  This way, my body is satisfied that there will always be food available, it will settle down and stop the cravings.

The hardest part for me, in doing this, was trusting myself.  Even after I made the decision, I second guessed myself several times, but I persevered.  Then my body began to honor me by only wanting to eat at the usual meal times.  It stopped craving sweets and fatty foods.  And now, when I do feel like eating cake, I don’t need a whole cake or even a whole piece, usually a couple bites satisfies me.  The key is allowing myself to eat, and choosing what I feel like eating and not what I think I should have based on calories or fats or macros.

So, I eat what I want, where I want, any time I want.  I eat when I am hungry and stop when I am satisfied. (Yes, this is a real thing you can acquire.)  Sometimes, if I think I am full, but want a few more bites, I take them, and its okay.  Some days I eat more than others, but over a week’s time, it evens out.  I don’t force myself to eat more vegetables or healthier foods, but I eat them because I prefer them now.  And even though weight loss was not my goal, I have lost the weight I gained initially and have remained at an even weight since then.

So, I did exactly what I thought the book, in that tiny paragraph, told me not to do.  Maybe there are some people who actually want to keep overeating or bingeing and not worry about it.  But I will give my readers credit for being smart enough to know that it is not a trap that someone else ensnares you in,  it is will-full self destructive behavior.  And we’ve all had enough of that.  What we want is behavior that enhances our lives.  I figure if you are reading this post your goal is to nourish your body, satisfy your psyche and live a happier life.

I recommend you read the book.  It may not make sense the first time around, but let the information just sink in.  And don’t worry about the disclaimer, just eat.  Eat what you want, when you want it, without guilt or shame.  The more you do this, the more sense the book makes.

“It’s not the thought of eating everything in sight that is the problem, it’s the thought of restricting food to lose weight that makes you want to eat everything in sight.”

bw valleyandriver